One girl and one boy is just not enough.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
