please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
