She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
