I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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