you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
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