She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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