I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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