remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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