too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
