I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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