Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
