U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
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