I CAN MOONWALK!
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
