So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
