i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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