Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
