I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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