i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
