Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
