I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
