omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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