I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
