She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
soo... how was my night?
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