According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
