My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
