Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
