We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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