Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
