she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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