Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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