So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
