so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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