Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize