haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
