I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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