I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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