all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
