The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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