Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
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