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My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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