do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
3 2 1 whiskey
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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