I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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