I think scott just propositioned me for sex
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize