3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
