found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
