Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Randomize
