You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
