seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
