and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
