What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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