Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
