My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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