Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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