i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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