Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
