You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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