This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
