I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
