ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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