i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
