Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize