Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
