the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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