I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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