You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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