it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
