dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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