I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
