there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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