There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
