you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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