I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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