i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
