we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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