good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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