I showed him my bush... on skype.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Randomize
