I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
