I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
