if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Your penis caused this!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
