Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Vodka?
Forever.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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